It wasn’t until yesterday that I realized how much I have
changed as a person. I guess this time of not working, relying solely on God,
and trusting that each day will bring about a miracle, an opportunity, or some
kind of blessing has molded me into this being I never envisioned. So pliable,
malleable I’ve become. Does that scare me? Yes, I have never liked being
vulnerable, but my life over the last 15 months has set a fire under me,
quenching some of the self-sufficiency and pride I held so closely and dear. At
all cost, self-preservation…or at least the preservation of my immediate family
with no help was my goal. My motto was “We can handle it on our own.”
Apparently, with that thought process, I evicted God of His
rightful place as the center of our home and decided that I could pretty much
handle our ‘plane’ solo, and He could be our co-pilot when we got too high in
the air, because of course I’m scared of heights. However, being that He knows
me so intimately well, our plane, directed by my pride was headed higher and
higher into the blue skies. The brakes were no longer functioning, and I
thought our ‘plane’ was definitely going to crash. Before we inevitably hit the
ocean beneath us, I cried out, admitting I was not fully equipped to steer our
plane, and because of me, we were headed for oblivion. Mid-flight, I took off
my seat belt and handed the controls to Him Who had never let go but allowed me
to steer, like a driving teacher with a second set of brakes.
We’ve seen much and we’ve seen little. Being that we love
being a blessing in any magnitude, though our funds be low, we decided our
truck would be available if and when family or friends need it. Funnily, in
return, God has blessed us beyond our comprehension, proving to us just how
important simple child-like faith is to him.
Take for example, Tuesday, a friend needed our truck to get
somewhere to pick up a heavy item. Funnily, my husband and I had prayed that
somehow, someway we would like to be a blessing to someone, despite the fact
that we were out of gas in both vehicles and would be extremely low on of funds
for the next two days. This request was realized in the form of this friend’s
need. We figured my husband should go with her, so she wouldn’t see our
near-empty tank and pity us. As the good Lord will have it though, on their way
back, she blessed us with a full tank of gas, which meant I would not have to
cancel an evening appointment, and we could keep from using our credit card to
get him to work the next two nights. No one will ever understand how thrilled
and grateful we were.
Friends, the last year and a half has been rocky. Those who
know me know finances are the greatest cause of worry for me. I can trust God
for so many things, but when it comes to financial security, or the lack of it,
I am like a mad woman staying up late and waking up early devising new plans to
cut costs, etc. That’s why yesterday was one of the biggest tests for me.
I went to Sam’s Club, in a hurry, and in need of a few
essentials. In my haste, I did not realize I was not charged for an item. Upon
arriving home, I was puzzled at how low my bill had come to and decided to exam
it a bit closer, only to find I had not been charged for a 6lb bag of chicken.
My first reaction was to say, “Thank You, Jesus, You’ve provided once again!”
However, as it came out of my mouth, I felt a funny feeling I could not
explain, and felt the urge to call Sam’s Club and explain what had occurred.
The puzzled woman on the other line was baffled, not knowing
what to make of what I was saying and said, “Uhh…I guess next time you come in,
you can pay for it.”
I relayed the occurrence to my husband when he woke up, and
he said how interesting that the error wasn’t caught by the gentleman at the
door who checked me off as having paid for all my items. I asked my husband if
it was sufficient that I called, but we both agreed that it would be best to go
back the next day, since I had forgotten to buy an item anyway. I sighed but
agreed with this.
This morning, I walked in and I felt an impression to ensure
that I went to a specific cashier when paying. “Weird”, I thought, “but ok.” I
got my bag of rice and made small talk to the lady behind me about her bag of
edamame. When it was my turn, I explained my need to pay for a bag of chicken I
was not charged for the evening before. The cashier replied, “And you want to
pay for it today?”
“Yes,” I replied.
“Umm…hold on…I need a manager.”
Manager: “Ma’am…so you weren’t charged yesterday, but you’d
like to pay for it today?”
Me: “Yes, would that be a problem?”
Manager: “Umm…no, no…I just am not sure how uhh…”
Me: “I’ll go get a bag of the same kind of chicken I got
yesterday, to make it easier to ring me up.”
Both (looking very puzzled): “Okay”
As I paid, the cashier applauded me, stating that “you are
one of those few people still out there. Thank you.”
My first inclination was to share how I’d been laid off a
year ago and how much saving that money would have meant for our family, but I
became someone else and simply said, “I thought God had blessed our family with
free chicken at first but realized God wouldn’t bless us with stolen goods…even
though this wasn’t necessarily stealing.”
She smiled and said, “You know, this act has to count for
something. Thank you. I appreciate this.” She grabbed the bag of chicken,
walked over to the manager and another co-worker who had overheard the
incident, and they all just stood there in awe of this strange lady and smiled,
waving to my children and I and thanking me as we left.
About a year ago, I would probably have decided not to say
anything and praise Jesus, or see the incidence as a reason why more competent
employees should be hired for certain jobs. However, today, I’m dying to be
someone else…the woman who has declined the steering wheel of her family’s
plane, making her husband very happy, and hopefully becoming a better example to
her children as they mature and grow in a world full of tough decisions and so
many easy-outs.
