I’m a sister and a
mother, but neither makes me unique. I am honored to have two brown brothers,
chocolate and mocha and two sons, one tawny, the other tortilla. Having one
brother who lives here and two black sons, events hitting so close to home have
had me thinking quite a bit and distracted. Over the last few weeks, my emotions have been all over the place.
As a Nigerian born
woman, I have received my fair share of hate, from people who look like me to
others who look nothing like me on the inside or outside. I will never forget
the day my sister and I were walking to school one morning, talking and
laughing. I believe we were starting 3rd and 5th grades. About
15 minutes from school, passing some apartments on our usual route at the time,
we weren’t able to hear one another anymore due to the sound of loud music and
laughter coming from behind us. As we turned to see who was making all the
noise, two teenagers in a convertible were quickly making their way north, in
our direction. Out of mere curiosity, we slowed down to see the cool car, but
as they got close to us, they slowed down, one stood up on the passenger’s side,
yelled, “N*****s, go back to where you came from; you don’t belong here!” As if
that was not enough, he spat at us, then slid back in his seat as they both
laughed uncontrollably and sped away. It’s been 30 years, and I haven’t
forgotten that incident. So when people question my solidarity because I don’t
use a black tile, or they say, “You don’t understand,” because of the race of
the person to whom I’m married, I just shake my head. I’m not any less black or
immune; I’m not any less moved nor shaken. We all grieve and respond in our own
ways. Anyone who knows me knows I do very little out of obligation, because if
done that way, it’s not done from my heart.
The most recent issues
over the last few weeks have made me very upset, and I dislike that people are
making it seem like one-off incidents. Black people are being killed at the
hands of those who pledged to honor and serve. Too many are making it seem like
people of color's outcries are over-the-top. Black people have suffered for
many years in this country, in one way or the other, both openly and silently. They
just want to be heard.
The officers lost
their jobs, and at the time I initially wrote this, they had yet to be arrested.
Now they have been, but the fact that it took so much to move the hands of
justice is disheartening. The whole incident made me angry, and I felt like
deleting some “Facebook friends” due to their ignorance masked as wisdom,
stating "all lives matter," as if that’s not a given. They do, but
Kaepernick took a knee for a reason, BLM was born, both because of a growing
need for attention to this matter: black people being killed by police
unnecessarily and unjustly. No, not “all cops are bad,” but the system, is
broken, let’s at least admit that. There’s a lot social media is bringing attention
to now that has been going on for decades, and that’s simply the truth. People
have been experiencing this type of treatment before bodycams and viral videos.
Looting and all that
is an emotional, and terrible, reaction to a systemic problem that requires the
powers-that-be to take action, rather than sweep this all under the rug.
Rage is growing. People are hurting. These videos are becoming common place and
will lead to desensitization. People are making comments and blaming a whole
race for actions of a few rogue ones. Unfortunately, a lot of people are
opportunists, taking advantage of social issues and in turn giving a bad name
to positive movements. People are simply tired of the real issue (cause) being
swept under the rug and focusing on the effect, especially if they are part of the untouched/seldomly touched majority. Even other people of color making comments
are being chewed up. Folks just want the cause addressed.
It's like a child
being bullied at school, and rather than the teacher/principal doing anything
about it, the child is reprimanded for self-isolating, protecting himself. Then
he starts acting out and throwing things in class and is suspended. The other
parents say, "If he had a good home..." "Oh, he could have hurt
someone...." "He needs help." Yes, all true, and no, his actions
aren't justified, but the reason for his reaction is not, and has not been,
addressed and must. Unfortunately, when unheard, out of frustration and anger, “hurt
people hurt people”.
Rather than commenting
on the result, which people will be reprimanded or jailed for, because it
certainly won't be overlooked, others need to be compassionate and try to
understand the hurt and rage. After all, this year has been one for the books.
We are all trying to work out so much emotionally and mentally: loss of jobs,
the fear of a new virus, and a new normal on the horizon. There is definitely a
build up of rage and frustration from all sides. We have reached a boiling
point. This HAD to happen. All that being said, we must stand in solidarity for
this cause, because it’s been a long time coming. If we don’t rally together
now and speak out against the injustice, it will continue.
I am African, so I
don’t truly understand the deep pain of my black American brothers and sisters.
However, I am black, and I am their sister. And even if I weren’t black, I
believe I would still stand up with them, link my arms with them, and lend my
voice to help put an end to the injustice against, and murders of, black men
and women. By doing so, one is not saying it’s okay to burn buildings, loot, or
any of that. Listen. Be silent. We truly should be in this together, until
something changes.
Rather than fuel the
fire of hate and separation, we should help dissipate the rage/hatred/chaos,
but definitely not by spouting off insensitively. Oneness, unity, is needed at
this time. If you cannot offer a solution, or be part of the solution (participate
in peaceful protests, hand out waters to those participating, donate to help/further
the cause, private message those posting and getting out of hand on social
media, etc.), please don’t inadvertently be part of the problem. Please don’t
make blanket statements dismissing a whole race, or group of people, based on
the actions of a few.
"A man dies when he refuses to stand up for that which is right. A man dies when he refuses to stand up for justice. A man dies when he refuses to take a stand for that which is true." - Dr Martin Luther King, Jr.
