Fallen

Lately, I’ve seen or heard stories of one woman after another caught up somehow in a web of deceit or some kind of scandal. My first instinct is to wonder why she made the decision she did by getting involved with the man who ruined her life. I become upset, wondering “how didn’t she see that coming?” I wonder how she could have been so foolish. How could she allow him to do that to her? How, or why, did she ignore the warning signs?

Then, I take a good look at myself. I’ve been that woman. A woman in love sees nothing but the good she has witnessed firsthand from the object of her affection. His flaws make him unique; “we all have them,” she convinces herself. The way he raises his voice at her is only due to how passionate he is because he cares so much for her, at least that is what she has convinced herself. “All men have wandering eyes, but at the end of the day, I’M the one he’s with”, she tells her girlfriends who express their concerns. “You don’t know him like I know him.” “You don’t see the way he is with me when no one else is around. He’s so kind, gentle, and loving…he really is.”

A man who cheats is not a man made for the long haul, at least that’s what I’ve always believed. Do we fall or make mistakes? Yes. Can we be forgiven? Yes. However, I wonder…how many times is a woman supposed to accept the “I’m sorry” from a man whose love is obviously not for her alone? Whose every move only proves that love no longer exists, or was never there?

How about the woman who falls head over heels for a man so passionate that even in anger, that passion is often released and seldom controlled or contained? What of the woman who is so desperately in love with the idea of love that she believes she can change him? Time after time, his anger or rage gets the best of him, but she excuses it as passion or finds a reason to blame herself for his reaction?

Do these women lack self-worth? Did these women not have a father figure to guide them or give them a proper example of what a good man looks like? The answers aren’t always clear-cut, but I do know that the heart wants what the heart wants. So what do we, the by-standers, the onlookers, do to help these women, someone’s daughter or sister? Do we say our peace? Do we try to beat it into them that these men are no good for them?

Some are publicly humiliated. Some women don’t make it out alive. How do we love them good, show them the light before all seems lost?

I sunk low, thought I’d missed out on love when it was all said and done, but time proved otherwise. If you care for her, whomever she is to you, be there. Love her. If she’s in harm’s way, snatch her from the fire. Don’t let it all play out, because she just may not make it. 

Stay with Me

My name is Esther, and I am a TV show junkie. I’m one of those individuals who dives all in into some television shows, even though I know “it is just a show”. When the storylines are captivating and I can have an entire conversation with a friend or family member about it and our dialogue continues for much too long for a situation that truly does not have a bearing on our lives, it makes me wonder…is MY life that insignificant or lacking? Do I value my life, my situation less than I do these television shows and their characters? Or, is it a method of escapism?

I’m not sure, but I do know that when a baby survives birth even after its mother has died, and his father is in recovery during this entire time on one of my shows, I am sad. I know that when a woman is a dedicated, long-suffering caretaker and wife and her husband declares he no longer loves her after twenty years of marriage, I am enraged. I know that when a couple is told that they will never conceive a child and become at peace with it and find out several years later that she is pregnant, I almost do a happy dance.

And then, in my reality, I find I am less moved by other’s pains and struggles. I take it less personal. Unless I know the individual firsthand, I tend to be unfazed. Isn’t that a shame? I think so.

Then, I have these little beings, these little humans who remind me every day that although an extension of me, I still have SO much to learn. Their prayers are often long and heartfelt, for no other reason than that they want to lift up a hurting soul to the Lord. They want a child who “has no mommy or daddy” to have a nice, new toy, so they decide to give up one of their Christmas or birthday gifts, in order to put a smile on another child’s face. They offer up hugs when they see I’m saddened or distressed. They ask what’s wrong, even when the other party has no interest in responding to a little child and would rather be left alone to stew over some issue or mishap. Someone gets hurt or is in pain, and they run to the individual’s aid or offer to pray for them, while I worry about the germs.

So, what’s wrong with me? Where is that innocence and love for others I had? Why is my focus now so narrow? I wonder, when they grow up, will they also recoil and allow life’s problems and all the negative news stories to somehow desensitize them? My hope and prayer is that they remain optimists, see the best in others, and “love all the people in the whole wide world,” as my younger son says in his prayer almost every night.

Although I often attempt to put on a front like I have it all together, I’m often a mess inside. These little treasures God gave me are teaching me so much about life, what’s important, and how to embrace moments. I’m not a fan of change, and anyone who knows me is well aware of that. However, as I help mold these jewels I’ve been given, I am trusting that their shine continues to rub off on me as I polish them and prepare them for the world that may sometimes tarnish them or put its sticky hands on them. I pray with all my heart, that they will stay with me, or at least true to who they are wherever they go, as jewels that sparkle. 

I've Got You Like You've Got Me

My sister and I talk. When I say we talk, I mean we talk A LOT. Honestly, it’s not just the two of us…it’s actually all my siblings and I. When caught together, we are almost inseparable, as we sit and recall stories from our childhood that bring us to tears, have us roaring with laughter, and have us impersonating random people from our past.

Across continents and oceans, we stay connected. It’s crazy really, but if you’ve been through all we’ve been through in our lifetimes, family is pretty important. Most of the struggles in our lives have been lived through together, smiling at outsiders but singing and crying when alone and together.

Life beat us up. It beat us up real bad. Despite it all, I believe we’re all the stronger for it. Some of us took the hurt and pain from our past struggles and built up walls, making sure that those parts of our lives never repeated themselves. We worked super hard; we did our best not to depend on others. We didn’t want to owe another human being a thing, so even in need, we said we were just fine.

Others softened, knowing that things do get better. The difficult times strengthened them. They focused on the lessons of life. They used our experiences to become better human beings. They pushed past the pain and took the rest of us on their shoulders and drug us along, even when we kicked and screamed. They weren’t going to allow us to wallow in the difficulty of our past and allow it to keep us from becoming the men and women we had the potential to be.

For as long as I live, I will be grateful for my family, grateful for the awesome bond my siblings and I have. We may get mad at each other, dislike one another’s decisions at times, and even speak disrespectfully to one another when in a passionate rage, but when it comes down to it, I would do anything for my brothers and sisters. 

Due to the beauty of my relationship with my siblings, I do my best to emphasize togetherness with my children. I guess I can’t force them to have the same bond we had growing up and still do, but I just want them to know they should be able to lean on one another. We live in a massive world of haters and crazies. We all need people we can lean on, who we can trust. If it’s not those in our families, then who else can we count on?

Life gets tough, and those who know you best are capable of helping you get through the hard times. Love and appreciate those who always have your back and are there for you in the good and bad times. Your mother may not have birthed them, but there are many people in our lives who stand in the gap and are just as close to us as, or closer than, those in our families. If that’s you, reach out to those two or three people and let them know how much they mean to you.

I dedicate the following two songs to my four siblings and my wonderful friends who’ve been there for  me time and time again, regardless of how irrational, strong-headed, or crazy I’ve been. I love you, appreciate you, and am blessed to have you in my life.

Just Another Label

Today, I’m keeping it simple. My pondering this week has been on a very recent trip, Friday, to be exact, to one of those club stores. You know…you pay a fee annually to be able to purchase bulk items at a discount, as a member of said club. Well, on Friday, my daughter and I were leaving the club, and strangely enough, I noticed a pin on the shirt of the associate checking our receipt to ensure we did not steal anything as we exited.

The pin read:  I’m not ignoring you, I have Autism. At first, I thought, Oh, it’s an Autism Awareness pin. However, having worked in the behavioral health field for almost five years in my past, I soon realized the pin was specific to her. She in fact was Autistic.

My whole ride home, I was upset. After all, I’d gone to this same club on several occasions, and she had smiled at me, checked my receipt, and wished me a fantastic day every time she stood at the exit. I wondered if someone had complained about her. I wondered if she had been distracted by something or someone and someone took it as her being rude and ignoring them. Either way, I was annoyed.

How many times have I been to stores, especially with my children, in desperate need of assistance, and a person I viewed as able-bodied and hearing definitely ignored me in order to assist someone else, continue talking to a co-worker, or proceed toward the breakroom? I’d never seen a sign on their shirts stating: I have a tendency to ignore; please move along. Now THAT would be helpful. I wouldn’t waste a second of my time attempting to gain his/her attention.

But here is an individual who I’ve always seen with a smile on her face, doing her job, and willing to help, and she is being labeled. So what she’s ignored some people…if she’s even guilty as charged. Maybe they were jerks and impolite, as so many customers can be.

I don’t know. It just still bothers me that we so easily label people with one thing or the other: ADD, ADHD, Autism, etc. Granted, some of these may be obvious, so we can deal accordingly. But, there are those who do their best to deal and seek a sense of normalcy. They don’t want to be treated differently due to their disabilities or abilities. In my day, I don’t recall most, if any, of these labels. Children were hyperactive, so you limited the sugar or taught them skills to cope and therefore focus better. Children were fixated on certain things, so you got them in private classes to hone those skills.

Days like Friday make me wonder what’s next. In a few years, what will the new labels be? What drugs will we be pushing on children and adults? How will we be limiting children, or young adults, by telling them something is wrong with them and that’s why they can’t/will never be able to/shouldn’t do such and such? If I saw no pin, I wouldn’t have known that young lady was any different from you or I. Now, even if the pin is no longer worn, every time I see her, I’ll think of it and wonder who else is pitying her or wondering what type of Autism she has.  The sad thing is I know she has Autism, but I have no clue what her name is, and she always wears her name tag.