In a world full of so much beauty, it’s so unfortunate that
we still tend to be dissatisfied with our looks, especially when it comes to
our hair. I’ve seen beautiful women with long, straight hair who when
complimented share their dissatisfaction with it. They wish it were curly or
wavy, so it would have more “shape” to it. I’ve see gorgeous beauties with amazing
red hair with the most boisterous curls and commented on how unique and
beautiful their hair was, only to hear, “When I grow up, I’m going to get it
straightened” or “Oh, thanks. I’m a little tired of them though. They’re so crazy
and unruly and can be pretty annoying.”
Well, for the last couple of years, I’ve been struggling
with these same issues in my own home. My oldest son envied his younger brother’s
fine, curly hair. He wanted to be able to wear his hair like his brother, but
there was no way to do that, as his is much thicker and coarse. He would mope
and complain about how much he hated his hair and wish he could just cut it all
off so he could “start all over” and have it grow like his brothers. No matter
how much we told him this was impossible, he was certain if it was done, his hair
problems (pain when combing, daily tangles, etc.) would be solved. So, we did
the cutting off thing a few times, to prove that’s not how it works. Meanwhile,
his younger brother envied the fact that his brother’s hair texture was “so
cool” because when long enough, it could be braided on the sides to make a mohawk
in the middle or do other “cool stuff” his couldn’t.
Onto our only girl…she has a LOT of hair, and it’s very
thick and coarse when dry. For some reason, she believes her hair is supposed
to resemble 3a hair (which it does when completely wet), but in actuality, hers
is closer to 4b. In her mind, her hair is wispy, should easily be pulled behind
her ears with very little manipulation, and when dry, should remain beautiful
and bouncy. In reality, her hair does the opposite of every expectation she
has, resulting in great hair envy on her part.
My daughter continually talks about wanting her hair
“longer”, in other words, straight. She believes this would make her prettier
and resemble a princess. Afros, braids, and twists have been of little interest
to her, as she believes they are “not beautiful”. When she was younger, she
appreciated being different, since she was able to have her hair done in various
hairstyles into which her other friends’ hair couldn’t be manipulated. However,
as she gets older and becomes more self-aware, she is detesting those
differences that set her apart from most of her mixed friends. She talks about
how they are allowed to wear their hair down and how pretty they look because
of it. She thinks her hair isn’t so pretty because of the braids that help
protect her hair from breakage and help it grow healthy.
While watching Sprouts in the evening, on a few occasions,
she has commented on Dennisha Pratt’s hair during commercials for the morning
show. She’s stated that she doesn’t like
her because she doesn’t want her own hair like THAT, with a look of disgust. She
wonders why Dennisha would choose to change her hair from “longer” to “messy”.
How does a mom whose hair is also “messy” respond to that? Well, I showed her
various pictures of beautiful women with what she called “messy” hair in
magazines and online. I showed her pictures of these women with different
styles they were able to do with their hair and how happy they looked, just
like the ladies with “longer” hair. She was baffled by how they could possibly
be satisfied with having that kind of hair. I explained how God gave each of us
the type of hair we have and how each of us is special because our hair and
everything about us is a little different from everyone else. She still
struggles with this from time-to-time, and I understand that, being that she’s
still pretty young. It may be something we continue to contend with until she’s
much older, but I’m okay with that.
As for my son’s… after several different cuts and styles, my
oldest got a lot of compliments on his afro and decided that would be his
signature look. Just last week, after getting his hair picked out, he
exclaimed, “I LOVE my curls!” My younger son has stuck to his mohawk for the
last two and a half years and likes his “rock n roll” haircut, as he calls it.
I still struggle with hair envy myself sometimes, as I have
4c hair which is SUPER coarse. As time passes though, I’m learning to embrace
and appreciate the locks God gave me and have stopped striving to be like everyone
else who opted for a relaxer, texturizer, or Brazilian blowout. I’m beautiful just the way I am. Though the
envy may come and go, with each passing day, by choosing to love myself and how
I look, I see my children are doing the same. They are realizing just how cool
their hair textures are, and that makes me a very happy mommy.
