You Parent Your Way, I’ll Parent Mine

In a world laden with self-help books, do-it-yourself guides, etc., it would seem that parenting would be so much easier than it is. Books on raising autistic children, the angry child, the difficult child, and so many more make it seem that as long as each step or piece of advice is followed, parent can be as easy as 1, 2, 3. Well, for those of you who are single, married with no children, or even have children, parenting can sometimes be quite difficult.

I’ve had individuals, parents and non-parents, praise me based on my children’s behavior, and how respectful they are. I’d like to say this makes me feel good about my parenting skills, but it puts quite a bit of pressure on me to ensure that my children continue to see Christ in me and trust that I love them enough to do what I believe is best for them. They spend most of their day with me as their primary caregiver and the main adult they interact with on a daily basis. At such impressionable ages, I have to be conscious about the words I speak, whether to them or others, and I must be cautious about my actions.

Some have scolded me, believing that how interact with each child is different, or may be viewed as unfair. However, once again, in parenting, I have seen Christ’s heart and have a better understanding why He says He is no respecter of person. His approach with each of us is different, knowing the intricate parts of us: our hearts, our emotions, our desires, what makes us tick, our future, and everything that matters to us. The way He scolds me may be different from the way He scolds another brother or sister in Christ. I, for one, am stubborn. It takes almost a slap across the face for me to stop dead in my tracks to make me realize the consequences of my actions. While, a “check” in one’s spirit may be all it takes for another to come to the same realization.  

Each of my children, I’ve noted in a previous blog, are similar but VERY different. The way I handle one child for not listening may not be the same way I discipline the other. However, discipline them, I will, because I firmly believe in what Proverbs 13:24 says:

He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him.

I never really understood the reason behind this when growing up; I just thought our parents were mean or old fashioned. How could their forms of discipline really achieve the desired effect: obedience? Somehow, someway though, it worked, and I’m living proof of that. If my parents had not disciplined us the way they did, I would believe I could do anything I wanted anytime I wanted, because lack of discipline would be interpreted as them approving of my behavior, in my mind. And inevitably, I would repeat the actions.

Children crave structure. It’s just a given. No matter how difficult a child is, as a parent strives to implement structure in their lives, behavior will improve, even if only a little. Having worked with children with behavioral health issues for five years, I worked with some pretty messed up children - socially, behaviorally, mentally. Week one would be the most difficult: establishing who is boss, reiterating rules, being consistent with scheduled tasks, and breaking bad habits. The first step in establishing who was boss was  by having them address staff as “Mr” and “Miss”, versus simply calling them by their first names. Then, the other processes are tackled one at a time.

Parents who picked their children up at the end of each day would notice the interaction of their children with us and inquire, “How in the world did you get him/her to pick up his toys without having to yell or end up picking it up yourself?” My answer was always “Structure is key; every child needs it.”

Regardless of what anyone thinks about how I parent my children, what is important to me is that I “train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it”, as Proverbs 22:6 advises. I endeavor to raise godly children, individuals who make a positive impact on this generation. With that as my goal, I will be certain to stress to my children that “Bad company corrupts good character," per 1 Corinthians 15:33. This is simply to ensure that all the time I spend investing in them is not undone by fair-weather friends or “the little foxes that spoil the vine” of love.

Our dad used to tell my siblings and I a story about a woman who never disciplined her son. People would complain about him, warn her about the direction he was going in his life, and advise her to better lead him as a parent rather than as a friend. She shrugged these off and considered the fact that she and her son were so close as sufficient for her. Unfortunately, years passed and he was convicted of a crime, for which the punishment was death. Prior to being executed, he requested to speak to his mother one last time. She wept bitterly to see her dear son one last time. When he asked her to draw close, she assumed he was going to whisper how much he loved and cared for her. Instead, he bit off her ear and rattled off insults about how if she had just instructed him better, rather than covering for him when he was in trouble, he would not be dying so young.

I refuse to be that mother. I believe my way of parenting is God’s way. Where I err, I believe He grants me grace to improve. You parent your way…I’ve chosen mine.