Where Is Her Vagina?

Okay, so when I envisioned parenting, I saw myself and my children twirling in the park, throwing stacks of leaves in the air above our heads, digging in mud piles and finding worms, making spit bubbles and popping them, and so many other fun things. Umm…yah…no, that was SO NOT me!

However, I figured as a parent, I would have answers to most, if not all, of my children’s questions. I figured I, for once in my life, would be one of the wisest people in somebody’s life. Unfortunately, I was not prepared for my very inquisitive children. I didn’t imagine children who inquire about why puppy dogs poop on the “ploor”, rather than “by himself in the toilet”. Neither did I plan on answering questions regarding how and why it was sunny outside “and we can go to the park yesterday “ but “it’s so rainy we can’t go outside today”.

The more questions my children ask, the more inclined I have been to design a dunce hat for myself and explain that anytime mommy has it on, she does not know the answer to that question.

I mean, as young as 18 months, we have tried to teach our children the proper words for body parts. After all, I was not given the straight facts about certain things as I grew up, so by the time I was sat down for certain candid talks, I was already too aware to feel comfortable hearing any of such words uttered from my parents’ lips. GROSS!

To curb such uncomfortable moments on both sides, we’ve taught our children that “nobody touches your booty”, “nobody touches your penis/vagina”, and that they should let us know if and when anyone does. This has been quite the lesson, as our daughter, at age two, is very willing to share and says things like, “ALL the boys touching my bagina, Mommy!” I go into panic mode asking which boys and when. She starts saying their names, none of which I recognize, and when I ask how she knows these boys, she points at a picture of all the children of the world Jesus loves on her bedroom wall. As I roll my eyes and walk away, I feel defeated, believing I’m only confusing them the more.

Then, of course, being that the younger two are home together most of the time, they always seem to  need to use the restroom at the same time and go together. From time-to-time, I hear, “Where is her penis, Mommy? Is she going to get one when she gets big?”

Then, there’s the embarrassing moment when we are out and about and my daughter shrieks, “Mommy, my penis hurts”, while holding herself. I glare at her, and rather than stop, she ‘corrects’ herself and states, “I mean, my booty-bagina hurts”.

Just when I think I have one successful child in the area of this body part learning adventure, my five-year-old, who is now conscious of the fact that he is getting older and needs to have the door closed when using the restroom, asks questions like, “Mommy, when I grow up, is my penis going to be big like a man?” and questions regarding hair that I am not going to share. (Sigh…)

As a new parent, I was not informed that one day, my brain would hurt simply trying to make sense of and explain so many things I know as facts but have never considered making inquiries about, at least not out loud.

Am I alone here? Or, does anyone else’s daughter wonder when her bagina will start bleeding or if she too can wear a pantiliner? Or, “Mommy, why is my baby not eating my nipple like Aunty …’s baby”?

This is one area of life I do not believe I am fully equipped for, but it is interesting all the same. It goes to show how innocent these little beings are and how much they watch our every move and take mental notes of things we say. I often feel I have to censor myself when talking to or interacting with my husband, because they ask so many questions.

 “Mommy, are you daddy’s baby?” “Then, why does he call you ‘baby’? You’re a mommy!”

“Hey, Daddy, no touching Mommy’s booty; that’s not appropriate!”

“No holding hands, guys; Mommy say we have to keep our hands to ourself!”