Nobody Cares What She Said

“Daddy, Mommy said we have to wait to buy them.”

“Yah, she said we didn’t earn them yet.”

“Who cares what your mom said ? We’re getting them anyway.”

That was a conversation I heard at Target a few weeks ago. A boy and girl were talking to their dad about something (which I didn’t catch), and obviously, their dad and mom were either not on the same page, or the dad just wanted to be a jerk.

Even though it wasn’t and isn’t really any of my business, it still bothers me. I guess I took it more personal, being that I was wondering if he even cared about the mother’s perspective or if being dismissive was his way of getting back to their mother/his wife. I think we as humans disregard others quite a bit, sometimes genuinely unaware of it, and others, blatantly so.

In the case of parents, it’s important to present a united front. “A house divided cannot stand” (Mark 3:5). If the two key foundational pieces, Mom and Dad, are pulling in two separate directions, how in the world will the children know how best to deal in specific situations? Consistency and unity are key as parents. Mutual respect for one another serves as a good example to children, whether in a marriage or between divorced parents. It’s a necessary element in growing well-functioning individuals, because what children glean from us is often what they take into their relationships.

Just before our daughter was four years old, she learned the divide and conquer method. She’d ask me for something, and I’d say “no”. She would give it a few minutes and head in her dad’s direction and inquire about the same thing. Taken by her bright smile and innocence, he’d say, ‘yes”, and she would either hide away from me, or purposely ensure that she passed within sight to let me know she eventually got what she wanted.

After one too many times, my husband and I decided ignoring this issue would only make her believe that we were not united and that what she was doing was okay. So, we decided that if any of our children requested specific things, they would need to get the final word from one of us in particular. That way, the decision maker regarding it would not feel slighted. Or, in many cases, if we have an idea the child just came from the other parent, we ask, “What did daddy/mommy say?” They caught onto this rather quickly and were disciplined if they attempted to lie or take advantage of either of us.

There’s so much to learn as parents; however, it doesn’t stop children. They can be very cunning if and when they figure out the dynamics of our relationships, which is why communication is also important between parents, regardless of our statuses. Once we become parents, we cannot relinquish or take a back seat in our role as dad or mom. Each child has one daddy/mommy. In blended families, the dynamics can be different, but it’s still important that both parents are cordial and that they check with one another before making decisions regarding the children.

The way we treat one another is how our children will, or try, to treat us. As with anything, they learn from us, because we’re their examples. If mommy disrespects daddy, a child could end up disrespecting daddy or her future boyfriend/husband, because she counts that as the norm. What we teach them indirectly, or what they watch us do tends to be what they follow.

(Our mom DESPISED this cartoon and song when we were growing up. Go figure.)