Stay out of My Uterus

Over the last few weeks, I have been a tad sad. As my children continue to grow and become more independent, I’ve been recalling the moments I missed with them while I worked. I’ve been wondering if I am silly to regret not having another baby since I got laid off almost four years ago.

It’s been on my mind how I wanted four children, a good even number. I wanted to be able to be there, from birth to at least the age of three, since I figured I’d be home anyway, but finances were our major issue. Shoot, finances have always been an issue for us. There was none of our children, other than our first, that finances were not a problem, even before I got pregnant.

Some family and friends were very concerned when I got pregnant with my second son. They were somewhat vocal, especially since our first son was only eight months old. We were still pretty much in a good place financially, but we were walking a fine line. In fact, nearing the end of that pregnancy, I feared whether or not we would be able to meet all his needs. There was even a day that I drove home after a women’s Bible study crying, wondering if we had been stupid for not being more careful.

When he arrived though, he was the sweetest little man. He still is. I don’t know what our lives would be like without our little Earthquake, the nickname we gave him in the womb. He’s still our most active child: running to one room to the other for no reason, tossing objects he finds as if they’re footballs, kicking any size ball on the ground, due to his love for soccer. He’s the best sharer, very considerate, helping, loving, and he loves Jesus with all his heart. It’s pretty amazing, and I can’t imagine how different our lives would be without him.

The day I hesitantly decided to announce my third pregnancy, when my second was nearing eleven months, I was met with no holds bar opinions and verbal abuse. I heard things like, “Is that all you people think marriage is for?” “What is the hurry? Is there some kind of contest you’re trying to win?” “Can you guys even afford another baby?” “Is that even smart right now?” “I’m not really sure what you guys are thinking.” “How will you take care of this one?” “Are you the only ones God told to multiply?”

Needless to say, I felt awful. If those I respected and loved most weren’t happy for us, how was I to get through the pregnancy without feeling depressed? Would anyone be around to welcome the baby with us? Were we really being impractical? Funnily, the answer is a resounding, ”YES!” I had just started my Master’s program, there were talks at my job about impending lay-offs, we were struggling to pay the combo of our first and second mortgages. In fact, my husband was initially upset with me, because I had gone in to see my OB/GYN to remove my IUD after asking what he thought about it, but not really asking for his okay. (Yah, not wise, ladies.) I just wanted my baby girl, and I knew my third would be it.

The day we found out we were having a girl, my husband was elated. He know he secretly envied my relationship with our sons. He had always talked about having a “daddy’s girl” but lost hope after our second son, stating, “Children are expensive! Let’s give it a few more years.” However, our baby girl was an answer to our prayers and totally lights up our lives. She’s self-assured, speaks her mind (very matter-of-fact….I wonder where she gets that from), and a defender of her brothers. She is the strongest believer in Jesus in our household it seems sometimes. She has the faith of a warrior.

I say all this to say…no child is a mistake. No child is here for no reason. Some choose to have one; some choose to keep counting. Either way, each of us has our limitations, and God knows it. Some of us may chose to have one child, and no one should knock that. If that’s not God’s will, hey, you’ll find yourself pregnant, and live goes on.

I’m not going to act like I’ve never thought to myself when told someone was pregnant, “Again?” “Really? They already have a hard time parenting the ones they have.” However, I have to remind myself to stay out of the other person’s uterus. I met opposition with my last two children, and I am so happy I eventually did not allow people’s words to phase me. I have to give others an opportunity to walk in faith, or respect other people’s plans of limiting their family sizes.

I’m a big believer in unity. If a married couple talks it over, decides to continue to reproduce (despite the odds against them) or simply calls it quits after one or two children (for whatever reason), that’s their prerogative. You don’t pay their rent/mortgage, put food on their table, know their dreams/goals, or have to baby-sit.

A couple that welcomes a child into this world is responsible for that child. No complaints about the cost, no one wanting to baby-sit, or the loss of time with friends, etc. You had them. They should never be treated as burdens. If I can’t hang with you, because I choose not to get a sitter or prefer to hang with my children rather than attend a meeting, don’t hate. They are my priority, after Jesus and my husband.

What may be right for me may not be for you. Stay out of other people’s uteri, and get your life!