Going up Heaven

A few weeks ago, I heard my three children talking in the back of our van about heaven, and I was quite amused. They talked about what they will do when they get there, what kind of people will be there, and then various topics regarding heaven arose. One child was certain that there will be no candy in heaven; another was positive that we will eat rice and “all the stuff we eat here” in heaven. However, one could care less about the food and wanted to know what we will do when we get there.

One child was sure that heaven will be a constant dance party, while another was certain that we will be “singing to God about how holy He is and a lot of hallelujah songs”. One of the boys agreed with both and said, “I’m pretty sure we’ll just dance, sing, and eat all the time in heaven, right, Mommy?”

I was totally at a loss for words, just enjoying the conversation from the driver’s seat. “Ummm…yah, I guess. I’m not sure how much eating we’ll be doing, but I know there’ll be a lot of singing,” I replied.Then, as if I had clarified things, they changed the subject.

A few days later, all my daughter could talk about was heaven and her issue with prayer. It really began to concern me. I’m all for children and their curiosity about just about anything, but hers of late has been freaking me out.

In her prayers, she asks Jesus to “take me up heaven, so I can see You.”  She randomly makes comments like, “I want to go up heaven. I don’t want to pray to Jesus. I just want to see Him and talk to Him in front of me.”

On Thursday morning, on our drive to school, she decided to pray, and her prayer was a continuous plead: “…and Jesus, I want to see you. Please take me up heaven…”

As her mother, I was sad, and I explained to her that if she went to heaven, I wouldn’t be able to tuck her in anymore, or give her kisses, or do her hair. She smiled and said, “That’s okay, Mommy. I will be up heaven with Jesus, and we will talk and dance and sing together. That will make you happy even if I’m not here with you. I’ll get to see Jesus, and He will talk to me with His mouth, and I will hear Him!”

Although that should probably have made me smile or have a peace, knowing my daughter is looking forward to seeing God in all His glory, but I realized how unprepared I am. It made me think deeply about how little I think about heaven, or actually leaving this Earth. I guess it’s something I should think about more often. After all, my brother recounted how a patient came to the hospital he worked in this week about a back pain and ended up passing away that evening. Our next breath isn't even guaranteed.

As much as heaven is where I want to go, I guess I’m just not ready…but who ever is? I have children, a husband, dreams,  and so much I want to accomplish. I feel I have talents I have not fully explored. Does this make me a bad person? I feel I have so much left to give, explore, and learn before I reach the other side. Albeit, I’m learning to live as fully as I can each day, which is a bit difficult for me. We’re not promised tomorrow, so heaven has to be near our hearts daily. We have to live our best lives on a daily basis. This is my challenge to myself, so when I “go up heaven,” I can know I did all I possibly could to leave Earth a little better than when I arrived.