I Want My Babies Back!

This week has been another super busy one. The children went back to school, and I was so excited for them to return, until the hustle and bustle of the week began. Oh, how I longed to have a driver who would drop them off at their different schools and pick them up at their three varying pick-up times and wait in the blazing sun in three-digit weather with all the other irritable parents. Oh how I wish I had someone who would wash the laundry, sweep and mop the floors, and clean the restrooms in their absence, so I could take a much-needed nap or run errands without having a little person in tow to ask me, “Where are we going?” five times in 30 seconds and “Can you buy me…?” upon our arrival.  

Do I really though? Or does my busyness really help fulfill my deep need to be needed? After all, I see newborns and ask to hold them and love how the tiny beings need their mommies so much: to feed, bathe, clothe, and cuddle them in their arms. Oh how I miss the sweet smell of a newborn, the coos of a baby, the various first year milestones…sigh…

I watch first-time moms struggle with the transition from the bliss of a life of just them and their husbands to the confusion and difficulties of figuring out why that little being is crying. I see mommies frazzled, sleep-deprived, and almost walking in a daze, and I smile, remembering when I too walked around, mean-mugging, because nobody told me that pregnancy wasn’t just a glow and hearty eating. I remember the days and nights I consumed and digested “…Baby-wise…” as if the weeks leading up to motherhood would make or break me if I didn’t get the schedule thing down.

I remember enjoying my first, second, and third time around as a new mom. My babies slept peacefully through the night by 5 weeks, 8 weeks, and 3 months consecutively. I didn’t have too many complaints about sleepless nights or difficulty transitioning our babies from our room to their own at six months. I loved being needed…shoot…wanted! I knew what boundaries were and chose to maintain them, in order to ensure that our children were used to our structure and adapted well due to our consistency.

Funny thing is with that consistency, the scheduling and knowing what comes next, as they’re growing up, as I try to remind them, I get, “I know, Mom.” I seldom get “Mommy/Mama, can you help me with…?” They seem to have it all down. They know the routine and are able to pretty much stick to it and maneuver through activities fairly well without me.

So there I am…the lonely Monarch butterfly from the distance watching my caterpillars become Chrysalis and slowly emerge as Monarchs themselves. I feel like my heart is slowly leaving me. A part of me is slowly disappearing and morphing into a separate being that functions on its own. I see little people, each with characteristics just like mine that are obvious to anyone who knows me well. They aren’t all good, but even then, I can’t but shake my head and smile at how amazing genetics are and how the amazing Creator formed each of these little beings who serve as reminders of our relationship with Him. They are extensions of us, as we are to be extensions of Him.

As a mom, I’ve heard people say it so many times, from the time my oldest was born to even now, “Enjoy every moment you have with them; they grow up so fast.” I’ll be honest, I didn’t think the time would go by THAT fast! I watch each of them as they do their individual homework, dress themselves, put their laundry away and wonder how the years are scurrying along and I don’t get to hit rewind on any of our special moments.

Cherish them. Give them hugs. Be silly with them. Love them. The days of their youth escape too quickly, and before we know it, they’ll be off to high school, college, and then bringing by someone else’s baby and wanting to start a life of their own with him/her.

I guess the way I see it now is that although some days I want my babies back in newborn form, life goes on. As much as I hated the idea growing up, just as I am to my mom, they will ALWAYS be my babies, and I’m okay with that.