This week, I’ve really hated my life. Yes, I said it. I got
to a point, where I really sat down and wondered what in the world I’m doing
here. What is my purpose? Is there something I’m missing? How can my life seem
to have so little meaning at this point in time?
What brought this on? Well, my children returning to school,
of course. For the past four years, I’ve always had a sense of purpose: someone
to mold, teach, or at least have with me at all times. I got used to having two
children going to school while prepping my daughter for kindergarten and having
her as my errand sidekick. Although I complained about it from time-to-time,
nothing prepared me for the emptiness I feel now.
Ideally, once one’s children go off to school, the plan is
typically to have sought employment during the months prior to school resuming,
so soon after, one can transition back into the workforce, right? Well, what
about when life throws you one curve ball after another? Three children in two
different schools, and the youngest only goes to school from 8 am – 10:45 am,
and there really is no budget for the additional cost for all day school?
What if every attempt made toward a decent paying job results
in a similar e-mail with the spiel of having found someone better-suited for
the job? Or, when you do make it to an interview and you are asked to choose
the position over time with your family, “as this job is going to require a
great deal of your time both in the office and at home”? Then you look at the
salary being offered ($28,000) and search the room, certain that the interview
is being recorded as part of some reality show prank.
I mean, really…how does a woman who obtains skills in the
form of degrees or certificates prior to making the decision to care for her
children full-time have any chance of success afterward? The “gap in employment”
nulls and voids all the unpaid work that’s actually been done for the family
over the years that would be difficult to insert in a professional resume, even
when some skills are applicable, to an extent.
It’s us against the world. Having proven to the world that
we’re great mothers by balancing the tasks of keeping our households in order,
taking care of the budget, taking on the night shift so our spouses can rest
well for work the following day, setting appointments, attending all
extra-curricular activities, ensuring that the maintenance man comes in and
fixes that leaky faucet, ensuring dinner is served by 5:30/6 pm, etc., we still
aren’t taken seriously. Yet again, we have to prove to the world that once
accepted us and the skills and resources we brought to the table years prior,
that we’re still that amazing genius who owned the room during a corporate
meeting, capable facilitator, great negotiator, or highly effective
communicator.
Application after application, I submit. With each one, I
proceed with less confidence. I doubt myself, my skills. Maybe I’m laden with
dust that I can’t see. Maybe what I once knew no longer applies. Maybe there
are others who are younger, more skilled, and simply just much better than me.
As of yesterday, I found that kind of thinking gets us
nowhere fast. All we can do is push. They push one way, we push back even
harder. We aren’t worthless to society; we’re just what it needs. We’ve
cradled, nurtured, and helped prepare the next generation for the future. We
are valuable. We add value wherever we go. As difficult as the transition may
be, we can’t lose faith or give up the fight. We have to show them who we are
and what we’re worth. We deserve more than the coins that drop off the human
resources’ table. Hold yourself in high regard, because baby, you’re worth it!
No comments:
Post a Comment