Call Me Selfish. Call Me Unrealistic. Call Me Grateful.

Single life was great! I got my hair done every Friday, got my monthly pedicure, and went shopping as often as I wanted. Yes, I worked two jobs: one 30 - 40 hours a week and another 24 - 32 hours a week, but I could do whatever I wanted, any time I wanted. I was able to pick up and go, do whatever I pleased. Well, that was until doing all those things got a bit old, and I began to feel lonely.

I reasoned with myself that being checked out, asked out, and available to hang out with any guy I wanted was nice. The only problem is that I ran into a lot losers...I mean A LOT of them. I was so done with it all when I met the man that would eventually become my husband. I gave him a hard time. I even told him there were five things about him I didn't like, which is why I would never so much as date him. Per his request, I got to know him better, spend some time with him, and I fell in love with this man. He was so kind, godly, and put up with me (and I'll be the first to admit that can be VERY difficult). Now, I had someone to look good for, beside myself. About a year later, we got married.

Then came the children...one after the other. Life was great, but I noticed that with each child, I seemed to lose a little bit of myself. After getting married, I went down to bi-weekly salon visits, but then those dwindled down to monthly, bi-monthly, then almost never. Some days I longed for the single, or pre-children days, just for the freedom to shop as I wanted, get my hair and nails done as I pleased, without having to consider anyone else. I never really thought so much would be taken from me, simply because I "took on a man and had him some kids" (like one of my friends used to say). 

Nowadays, hair chopped off and all (more often than not, to save some cash, time, and the hassle of doing my own hair), I'm quite content. I look at the children I've been blessed with and can't help but smile. I kick myself almost daily, because I feel I take my husband for granted. He's so good to me, yet, I nitpick and nag about so much. In hindsight, I realize how materialistic and selfish I was (and still can be). These days, I realize just how unrealistic my expectations of marriage and parenthood actually were. I may not have the best life, but I have the best family and group of friends, and that works for me. Nowadays, I can't help but be grateful.