Toilet Baby

Each day is a new adventure as a parent. Children are such a wonderful gift and full of life. There is no day that passes by that I don’t experience something new with my children. As a mom who missed out quite a bit on her sons’ first few years and her daughter’s first year of life while working outside the home, for several years after being laid off, I’ve longed to have another child. I’ve just wanted to experience each milestone I missed during the first year or so of my children’s lives now that I’m at home full-time and can dedicate my time and attention to enjoying every moment.

Needless to say, my husband doesn’t share the same sentiment. He’s happy with the three beautiful children we have and is excited about our future as a family. He simply wants me to make new memories with our children and appreciate the time I have with them now. In my mind, he just doesn’t get it.

Some months, I have this random feeling I could magically be pregnant. I don’t take a pregnancy test, as I don’t want to freak my husband out. Instead, I go on YouTube and watch episodes of “I Didn’t Know I Was Pregnant”. I watch how women who carried on with their daily activities for months, then, out of nowhere, they would feel excruciating pain and end up at the ER or in a restroom hunched over a toilet and deliver a baby. Somehow, I get some satisfaction thinking that could be me, but it never is, so I’ve become quite content knowing that unless a miracle occurs, I will not be bearing anymore children. 

I’m not sure how many working mothers feel like they’ve missed out or are missing out on their children’s development process. I know we try to make up for it during the weekend, on vacations, or during holidays, but thinking back, I don’t believe it was ever the same as being there almost 24/7. Those early years went by so fast, and being that each child was so different, I didn’t get them back.

I’m in no way saying that working mothers are doing something wrong or should live in a constant state of regret. We have to do what we have to do for our children and families, in order for them to have the things they need in life. If I was never laid off, I would never have thought we could afford for me to stay home without some kind of part-time work or new income source. In all honesty, I had never dreamed of being a stay-at-home mom, so even if the opportunity had arisen another way, I don’t believe I would have taken it.

Now, I’m at home, and some days are really good, while other days are pretty rough. I love my children whole-heartedly and have reached a place of true contentment with the three amazing blessings I have. They are full of interesting questions, whacky stories, and funny statements.

Tonight, after one of my children had spent several minutes on the toilet with no success, I asked the child to please hurry up, since it was shower time. If it wasn’t coming out, I suggested trying later. I didn’t expect the response I received: “But Mommy, I don’t want to push hard. I don’t want my poop to come out as a baby.”