You're Supposed to Have a Dad

For someone who grew up with a dad who was there for all my track meets, I’ve always felt for those who did not have the same support from a father figure growing up. My dad was a tad strict, but I believe that’s a major part of why I am the way I am today. He has always liked structure and a clean environment, and I may have taken it up a notch, but I appreciate him teaching me the importance of not leaving for tomorrow what can be done today.

Another thing my dad taught me was the importance of knowing my worth and not letting other people’s opinions deter me from what I know is right. Does that mean I have never been a people- pleaser or cared too much about others’ opinions? Absolutely not! Like almost anyone out there, I’ve wanted to fit in and not take a stand, for fear that I would be considered an outcast or judgy.

My dad is a man somewhat set in his ways, but as he’s grown older, his willingness to admit error has increased, which really baffles me. He has become easier to talk to and more fun to relate to, now that I’m an adult. With our growing relationship, my children are aware of their papa and inquire about him quite often. Of recent, they have become more and more interested in my upbringing, as well as my husband’s. Their questions have ranged from interesting to near intrusive.

Last night though, one of our sons, after asking when next we’d be seeing Papa and Nana, sat on my husband’s lap and began asking him questions about his life as a child, etc. Then came the question that in the past has been posed to me regarding my husband but was finally directed to him for once, which made my insides turn: “Why don’t you have a dad? You’re supposed to have a dad.”

For as long as my husband and I have been together, just over 11 years, I have done my best to avoid the topic altogether.  I know the topic is a bit sensitive for him, being that he never knew his dad and never really grew up with a father figure in his life. At times, I felt guilty when I’d share my experiences growing up with him. It was difficult for me to determine how much I could share with him without making him feel like he really missed out on certain things.  I knew one day, having his children realize they only have one grandpa but two grandmas would be awkward, and that’s something he had expressed. I know this is a slightly touchy subject for him, but I know he doesn’t shake his fist at God because he grew up without a father. This led to his expressing that I should never be afraid to communicate my experiences growing up in an effort to be mindful of his feelings.

It makes me wonder how so many people, young and old, male and female, function so well without a man to call dad. Some men step up and take on this role in a person’s life, but there are those that are not as fortunate, like my husband. The women who have to step up to fill in these big shoes, for whatever reason,  and still have children who turn out successful must be commended. Some women lost their husbands while their children were young. Others, due to various reasons, had to make the decision to walk away from their children’s fathers, and there are those who made decisions in life that led to their children’s entrances into the world. Each day, these women have had to step up to the plate emotionally, spiritually, and financially to ensure that their children are afforded every opportunity possible.

I’ve met men who have used the excuse of not having a father growing up as a cop-out for not being there for their children. However, many of the people I know, who grew up without fathers, are great functioning individuals with a desire to be the best parents they can be to and for their children. To them and all parents who give their all as the most important people in their children’s lives, kudos to you. Although “you’re supposed to have a dad”, if you’re a stand-up dad who has been there for your children without a father figure to model yourself after for your children’s sake, you are amazing. THANK YOU for being outstanding role models to our future presidents, pastors, teachers, business women and men, dentists, doctors, etc.

Dedicated to my dear dad, whose dad passed away when he was under ten years old, who stepped up to the plate and helped his mom raise his three little brothers. You’re a great role model and have done a remarkable job with all five of us!

To my amazing husband: you’re nothing but the best. Our children are truly blessed to have you as their father. I couldn’t have asked for a better dad for them.