Why the Secrets?

I’m typically a pretty open person, so I often share to others’ discomfort or to an extent that makes people question my motive for doing so. I’ll tell you what, after living in a community of secrecy most of my life, I just figure if I want change, it may very well have to start with me.

My dad is a very open book, often to a fault. When you say one has no filter, that was our dad growing up. I think seeing that made me both proud to be his child and a tad embarrassed when he gave folks a piece of that mind of his. The thing is that no one really ever had to wonder what our dad was thinking. If you asked, he’d tell you, with no reservations. I personally liked that, and I still do. Although, having being married for over 35 years  and having five grown children and four grandchildren, he’s less rough around the edges. Funny thing is that I like him just as much that way.

As I’ve stated many times, I’m Nigerian, and for those who don’t know, we’re a pretty tight-knit group of people. I’ve known most of the Nigerians in my life since my birth or theirs and still manage to stay connected to them somehow. However, truth be told, we lie to ourselves like crazy! In an effort to protect ourselves, or maintain a front, we say all is well why we suffer in silence, often alone or within our families.

I’m one who believes there is power in numbers. I believe the ones who get the most assistance and pulled out of the mud faster and safer are those who cry for, or seek out, help. Otherwise, we each remain in a prison of sorts while there are so many people that pass by with the keys with which to free us.  

The thing is that we keep the dumbest of secrets, which annoys me. A person may be four months pregnant before they share that they’re pregnant. A person may be in need of a place to stay but would rather inconvenience a family member than ask a friend who only uses one of two or three bedrooms. Why? “I don’t want him/her in my business.” The truth is we do so as a result of fear, crazy tales or myths, or embarrassment.

I’m sorry… I’m of the opinion that if I’m to suffer, I will not do so in silence. That kind of stuff festers. It makes people sick. It makes for unhappy individuals on the inside and eventually outside. It makes for fake “friendships”.  People get ulcers , become depressed, or even commit suicide, so why keep it in?

Diagnosed with cancer? Reach out to others; that’s NO time to try to be valiant and fend for yourself. A shoulder to lean on while you fight is not weak. It shows strength in a way you may not understand and may even help you conquer it.

Had an affair? Tell your husband/wife/close friend; otherwise the truth will simply eat you up. Yah, you ain’t right for that, but it’s only fair to your spouse and family to be upfront. The truth comes out, and if it’s not you telling it, it does much more damage than if you had…on your own, as soon as possible. You made a decision, broke a vow,  so suck it up and 'fess up!

Are you down and out and have absolutely nowhere to go? Let someone know. There’s no reason to keep living a lie and sleeping in your car. It’s hard out on those streets!

Are you drowning in debt trying to keep your head above the waters of life, or to simply keep up with everyone  around you? Been there, done that (the former). Trust me, it comes to bite you in the long run. There’s no shame in asking for help. You may be embarrassed for a bit, but if you’re a responsible individual, the “hand out” you’re refusing to take may actually be the step that leads to your future financial success, because you’ve had time to reflect and learn what NOT to do.

Life feels like a maze at times, but there are so many people in this world, and in our lives, who have been through what we’ve been through but we’d never know it. We keep up appearances and keep hitting walls that could potentially be avoided by the knowledge and learning experiences of others.

Laugh at yourself. Who cares if others join you! We ALL do dumb stuff. Quit acting like your dumb stuff is in a league of its own or as if you’re the only person who’s ever been where you are.

You’re unique…we all are. You hurt; I’ve hurt. When I use the restroom, it usually smells like you’re walking through a field of roses but not always, so you’re not alone. Ease up on yourself. Don’t take yourself or situation so serious that you can’t let others in. We weren’t meant to bear our load alone. No matter what you've done, there may be consequences, but that's action and reaction for you. 

Secrets suck, and I’ll be honest…I hate them and hate being asked to keep them.