Correct me if I’m wrong, but no one who is truly in love and
heading toward marriage plans for divorce. I’m a firm believer in marriage
being forever, or as long as the spouses live. I just believe a bond, or such
an institution based on love, shouldn’t be easily destroyed.
I honestly don’t believe anyone deserves a bad marriage. No
woman looks forward to hearing that her husband has been leading a double life.
Neither does a man leap for joy when he hears his wife has been taking
advantage of her day off doing extracurricular activities with someone other
than himself.
It’s so unfortunate that some people enter marriage blindly.
Some people believe that any problems they had prior to marriage will disappear
once they are married, at which point love will dissolve their differences and
happily ever after awaits. The truth is if the signs are there, one HAS to
proceed with caution. Who jumps into a raging fire to reach their destination, when
he or she has the option of slowly maneuvering the outskirts of a forest in
order to reach that same destination? That’s what jumping into marriage with
big issues on the table can be likened to, because there is time to be
utilized, to see if issues can be addressed and compromises made. Otherwise,
jumping into a sinking ship is what both parties are doing or have done, and
they have done so with their eyes wide open.
On the other hand, some issues develop years into the
marriage, when things are no longer laced in the beauty and freshness of the
honeymoon period. A wandering eye develops, a well-hidden secret surfaces,
curiosity grows, or one or both parties “just ain’t feelin’ it”. In most cases,
that’s when counseling is sought, and if both individuals are not on the same
page about saving the relationship, very little can be done to salvage it.
My concern has always been for the husband or wife who gives
his/her all to ensure the marriage works out, making sacrifice after sacrifice
to keep the union strong. The other seems to be in his or her own world of
self-gratification, often despising the other for the efforts made, as he or
she sees the spouse as holding him/her back from happiness. I’m sure this
one-sided love hurts. More than anything, the person willing for the marriage
to work is alone in this state of limbo. For the one who wishes forever will
last, while the other pursues other things or relationships, the knife is only
dug deeper day in and day out. How does one explain the thought that at one
point in time, his or her spouse was once supposedly head-over-heels in love,
to the point of committing his or her dreams and life to the other?
It baffles me time and again when I hear of men and women
who have been married for years claim “irreconcilable differences”. What does
that mean? Someone in that relationship had to want to keep it going, right?
Like I’ve said, I hurt for the spouse who has poured his or her heart and life
into the other , only to have it trampled upon like it’s nothing. I can only
imagine that individual wondering what went wrong, stressing, crying, blaming
him/herself for something that seldom has anything to do with them. Sometimes,
the erring spouse has a “come to Jesus moment” and with eyes as if newly
opened, sees the love and dedication to the marriage the other has shown and
falls in love all over again. Yes, that may not be the case most times, but it
does occur.
For those working hard, toiling to ensure your marriage
works, don’t give up. There is hope. Do all you can, and when you’ve done it
all, just rest in knowing you have. True love can’t be crushed or quenched (1
Corinthians 13: 4 – 8). You may choose
to listen to “Unchained Melody” to get you through this time, but I suggest this
song, this one, or this instead.
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