Who Ya Gonna Call?

Lately, it’s been interesting to me how when I’m struggling, I call or text a friend who’s been through what I’m going through or in a similar situation. I don’t seek the individual for solace, per se; it’s just natural, I think. I don’t really seek out individuals who I feel “have it good” or “couldn’t possibly relate”. I kind of just stick to those I feel may be more gentle or understanding of my situation without trying to tell me how to fix it right then and there.

The reason this is interesting is that when I was single, I often felt alone. I had difficulty trusting people, which strengthened my relationship with Christ. He was my all. I spoke to Him like He was right there, in the same room with me. I didn’t have to take off my shoes, prepare myself mentally, throw on a hat or scarf, or kneel with clasped hands to approach Him…I just did.

Don’t get me wrong. I didn’t just randomly yell out, “Yo, Jesus, what it do, mehn?” No, it wasn’t anything like that.  I think it was just me, sitting in a room, content in my aloneness as I conversed, it felt, with the all-Supreme God. Fast forward ten or so years, things changed. My husband became the one I turned to when I was out-of-sorts or feeling alone. Then, he got busy with work and school, and so as not to be inconsiderate, whiny, or selfish, I held it all inside. At a point, it became unbearable.

Have you ever felt all alone while surrounded by a number of people? It makes absolutely no sense to you or anyone else, but in the deepest part of you, that’s simply how you feel. The loneliness torments in a way. You could be in a room of people and in your mind, you’re saying, “If only they knew…if only they could grasp how much I long for a real relationship. Forget the TV, the movies, the small talk… let’s just be real.”

Of late, I’ve realized that I need to go back to what worked so many years ago…no pretense, just a true relationship with the God Whom I revere and appreciate for loving me despite how many times I fall and He picks me back up. The contents of my heart, He alone knows. He understands why I am the way I am. He knows why certain things make me tick. In awe and gratitude, I’m slowly returning to that place of completeness, contentment, and joy even in the roughest of storms.

Our dad used to say something to my siblings and I when we were growing up:

“God doesn’t have any grandchildren. The relationship I have with Him, you can have, too. You need to know Him for yourself.”

 I’ve never forgotten that, and each day, I realize just how profound that statement truly is. If we don’t know Him for ourselves, we feel apprehensive about approaching Him, because He’s a distant father-figure we simply can’t comprehend. However, if we get close to Him and get to know Him for ourselves, our relationship with Him becomes personal, like the one we have with our closest parent, which we know is unlike anyone else’s.

My mom told us a story once, when we were in our teens. There was a gentleman whom everyone considered a Christian. I believe he was a teacher. He appeared to walk the walk and talk the talk, but one day, if I recall the story correctly, he was in a car or plane with several people, and it seemed an accident or crash was inevitable. People around him were crying, calling out for whatever or whomever they believed could save them. Several individuals cried out, “Jesus”, but a piercing scream came from  the gentleman who shouted, “Sopona!”

Even to this today, that story still amazes me. It’s not what we say or do that matters. When push comes to shove, when we’re at a crossroad, it’s what’s in our heart that will come out. So, in the most dire of situations, when you find out someone you love dearly has an incurable disease, you’re going bankrupt, or life just isn’t full of the roses you had anticipated…who ya gonna call?