Wreck This Place

So many times in my life, I’ve been stuck in a rut. It seems like a cycle in which I feel hopeless in my situation. On the outside, I attempt to present a strong front and encourage others, while on the inside, I’m in major turmoil, struggling to simply maintain. Each day is a battle to overcome what could potentially lead to depression, knowing that would in no way benefit myself or my family.

During these times of utter devastation, in which my cries to God seem like they must fall on His ears as whispers, I dig deep. I muster up strength from within to get out of bed each morning and focus on my children, the little blessings God has given me. I stir up the little faith I have left in the form of praise. I recall all the times God has been faithful and the wonderful things He has done up until now in my life.

You know, it’s so easy to get stuck, content with rehashing our fears and worries. We share them, in hope of someone else being able to relate. We never want to be alone in our struggle. We don’t want to feel like we’re the only one that feels desolate while things seemingly are looking up for everyone else around us. We want to know that at least someone else out there in our “circle of trust” understands our situation and is willing to simply listen to us when we’re down. We want that person to allow us to air our grievances, then be there to wipe our tears and render words of encouragement. We in no way are seeking someone who will wallow with us in this state of misery. A listening ear, a caring heart, and a few wise words go a long way.

When I’m alone and all there is God and I, sometimes the fortified dam breaks. My eyes brim with tears, and in the stillness and quiet of it all, I cry out, whether in song or in my own words. Once I let out just how overwhelmed I feel, I can’t help but ask God to wreck me, this dust that I am. So many times, He picks me up and carries me, but in my trials, those tough moments, I seem to forget how good things truly are. The insignificant things I’ve held high and allowed to get me down seem like mere pebbles in comparison to the mountains I’ve surmounted with His help.

Tonight, I can’t help but keep the song “Wreck This Place” by Presence Chasers on repeat. The lyrics so simply and beautifully penned fill me with euphoria as I consider David’s words in Psalm 139: 1 – 12. Sleep will find me with a smile on my face tonight, because I’ve been wrecked to pieces knowing it is well.